Dear Neighbor

Is this a face only a mother could love?  Apparently it comes with a voice that's not so lovable...

To My Anonymous Neighbor,

Whoever you may be, you are a coward.  I can't really say it any kinder than that.  So let me just tell you what your cowardice has cost me so far.  First of all, I had a policeman come to my door unexpectedly a few days ago.  Do you know the last time a uniformed official came to my door unexpectedly?  It was in the mountains of West Virginia in the early morning hours of June 21, 2009 to bring me the news that my daughter was dead.  So, chew on that for a moment and imagine what that moment was like for me.  You ass.

Notwithstanding the deep trauma he unleashed in me, he couldn't have been nicer, this bearer of bad news that I am being cited for being a public nuisance.  Or rather, I am being cited because my dog is the nuisance.  He proceeds to tell me, just as gently and politely as he could, that there was an "anonymous" complaint the night before about my dog barking.  He came over and indeed my collie Ripley was outside and she barked at him.  Of COURSE she did.  A strange man walks into my back yard and that's sort of what I expect my dog to do.  Apparently the whole time he was there, which he states was about 15 minutes (and isn't that irony for you:  I have no doubt she would not have been barking for 15 minutes straight had he not been baiting her by lurking around my house - hope you had fun listening to that).  I confess, I never heard her or him; I was watching the Pens game in the basement.  But, I've got to tell you, having a police officer come up to my door before the sun sets was traumatic enough, had I seen him lurking in my back yard, well, that would have been far worse.

But, here's the thing, I work from home, and I am home at night (unless I'm at a game, in which case Ripley is in).  She's not out for extended periods of time and not out but very rarely after 11 PM, so the fact that, as he tells it, police have been called about her several times really flummoxes me.  He admits that they've never been able to verify the complaint before that night when, it seems to me, she was entrapped.  I also could not get times and dates for those earlier complaints.  So, I'm left wondering when she's problematic and why.  Is it just because you're a hyper sensitive anti-dog individual who flinches every time she yips at all?  Or are you a day sleeper maybe and she's keeping you awake now that I was trying to let her have some freedom after a long, harsh winter?  She sleeps with me every night, so I know it's not because she's out in the middle of the night.  I know, I know:  all dogs owners think their dogs are angels and they never are bothered by their sounds, smells and behaviors, but I truly am not far from mine much of the time at all.  So therefore, here I sit, not really knowing what about her behavior troubles you to the point you'd like to see me hauled into court (because that's what is happening) like a common criminal and have to try and fight a $675.00 fine.  And I still won't know when I do go to court because you won't be there because you won't go on record as to who you are, and that is allowable by the township where I live apparently.

I would like to resolve the issue, not for your sake at this point and under these circumstances, but because I love my dog and don't want her to be at risk in any way.  I've been told I could risk losing her if the complaints keep coming.  I can tell you, whoever you are, that won't happen.

Had you come to me, I get that it would have been uncomfortable.  Not that I would have been mad at you under those circumstances, but I would have been embarrassed that you felt like you had to.  But, then I would have known what about her behavior upsets you, and I could have taken steps to fix it right away.  I could have baked you cookies, or brought over a bottle of wine as small recompense and followed-up to make sure she was doing better.  We could have opened up a dialog so I would know if she and I relapsed.  But, as it stands I ask you to consider that all you've done here is make me ashamed, embarrassed and extremely angry.  I look at everyone with suspicion now and wonder if that's the one who is so callous as to not face me.  I am uncomfortable and unhappy in my own home.  I don't let any of the dogs out without escorting them and they're confined indoors now except for brief little breaks, even though it's finally spring and I would like them to be able to enjoy the outdoors.  That's not fair to them, but the alternative of having to fight to even keep them isn't a risk worth taking.

I have made a sincere effort to be a good neighbor.  I shovel the walks and drives for the two widows next to me and take their newspapers to their doors when the weather's bad.  Even when I had the flu.  I try to clean up after the dogs, I try not to let them do their business on the lawns where I know people don't want them (I admit, that's not always been successful), I let people ask me what's wrong with my Penguins and laugh like it's not a painful question.  But my guess is, being only a flawed human with hurt feelings, I'll think twice before exerting myself to do any of that, and that's just sad.  I can also tell you, I'm not likely to turn the other cheek when the guy across the street decides to work on his motorcycle at 2 in the morning, or the couple next door have a drunken party that extends past midnight when I've got to get up at 6 the next morning.  Ideally, I would like to be gone from this neighborhood before any of that happens again, but I looked into that, I reacted that strongly to all of this, and economically I think we're stuck together for a couple more years, sort of like the original plan was.  Of course, then it was about getting me a kitchen larger than a postage stamp.  Now it'll be about putting my neighbors in my rear view mirror.  Again, which is sad, because it's not them collectively.  And before all this, my little family and I liked it here.  No, it's you.  Whoever "you" happens to be.

I would like to work past the anger, not for your sake, but because it's just a rot that does nothing but eat away at me.  So, I'll work on not hating you for my own sake.  I'll keep Ripley under lock and key for hers.  But, the fact remains, you are a coward, and I felt you should know what the price of that is.

Sincerely,

Your Neighbor